


Under the Full Moon

by wujilan



Category: Unspecified Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Soulmates, Strangers to Lovers, Students, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:13:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24864358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wujilan/pseuds/wujilan
Summary: It’s been four years since then.Those precious nights under that glistening moon. That wonderful man, shrouded in mystery, almost as quickly as he had waltzed into my life, did he waltz out of it. Left with nothing but a number that went straight to voicemail, an abandoned home, and these memories, I felt myself shatter for the second time in my life. Like a mirror, once repaired, that had been struck with just enough force to stress old wounds.The fractures of myself that I was left with four years ago, has been taped up now. Puttied together with gorilla glue as a I went through these last few years feeling more alone than I had before. I painted on a face, one that seemed to get the attention I felt that I deserved, and placed my stilled heart in a box, delighting myself in the pleasures of the skin.The simplicity of love shared between bodies was horribly attractive since my heart had nothing, but bruising from lovers past, so why not dabble in a more...satisfying and immediate sensation?
Relationships: Earth Katsamonnat Namwirote/Title Kirati Puangmalee, Nine Noppakao Dechaphatthanakun/Earth Katsamonnat Namwirote, Ohm Thitiwat Ritprasert/Fluke Natouch Siripongthon, Perth Tanapon Sukhumpantanasan/Eath Katsamonnat Namwirote, Prem Warut Chawalitrujiwong/Boun Noppanut Guntachai
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Stolen Moments

It was an average day, I suppose. I got up to eat with my father, took a shower, yknow...the basics. I was, more or less, normal. That is-- well before I met the love of my life. Or so I thought he would be. My father and I are a complicated bunch. Ever since mother passed away, he always looked for an outlet for his pain. I couldn't blame him. I was right there, so of course, he would reach out to the thing that was closest to him. Sometimes he would hold me sweetly, begging through body wracking sobs for my forgiveness; "dad has lost all that he knew for 25 years", he would say while rocking back and forth, as though I had not been there with him, suffering quietly. 

I found myself in the park regularly since her passing. Mom would take me there, even as I grew older, to people watch, eat convenience store snacks, and get fresh air from her confinement she'd built so accustomed to during the decline of her health. Today, I found myself in this usual park, resting on our typical bench, overseeing our same field. I had needed to be here. My nerves had been trickling up, and down my spine, I could feel my eyes bulging from my skull, the way they always did when I had a headache.

The night sky was; still, stars shimmered quaintly among the humongous trees, and it again stirred some emotion within me. There it was the salty downpour of emotion over my cheekbones, down my pale canvas, and off my chin. This was a routine. I often came here to cry. To feel that calming sense of relief that only came from trembling, overwhelming emotions. Perhaps this night was always meant to be different-- the air was a bit thicker, it felt somewhat harder to breathe, I tore at my chest: it must have been the panic. I had never had someone reach their hand out to me in this park before. 

But like I said, this was no ordinary day. I can see the scene as though it were yesterday. 

"Excuse me, are you alright?" A curious baritone asked from the opposing side of the bench I was outstretched upon. It took a moment for me to register that the posed question had been for me. All I could genuinely muster was a cock of the head. "Do you need some help?" The person asked once more. The voice was somewhat soothing, rugged, yet soft. It reminded me of how my father used to talk to me. Hastily wiping my eyes, I nodded slowly, clearing my throat. I pulled my knees up to my chest, chewing on my lower lip-- a habit I picked up as a child. 

"Well, this is beyond embarrassing," I muttered, taking a deep breath. To let a stranger witness me in this kind of situation was, well, regrettable, to say in the least. He had said this was rather cute when we talked about it days later, reclining in his living room on a lover's seat. 

"If it would make you feel any better, why don't we get to know each other, hm? I know I wouldn't want to cry in front of a complete stranger, so I suppose we can at least be that close, no?" He was persistent, and he spoke so seriously that I couldn't help but laugh. "There we go! A smile, no, we are getting somewhere. The name is P'Perth. I tend to go by my street name, though, P'Perth." By this time, he had gotten comfortable, one hand on the back of the bench, he hopped over, landing comfortably with this feet on the seat, before sliding into a sitting position. Gaze shifting over to mine, I noted his bed head and strong chin. His eyes were a deep chocolate brown; cheeks were tinted with a soft blush as the mouth turned up into a smile. I had blinked a couple of times, the realization that I had been staring washing over me. I cleared my throat, tips of my ears burning. 

"I'm, uh, Earth." I didn't really have a nickname or anything like that. I was something like a...well, how do you put it. Not an otaku, though my interests were drawn to those things, no-- it was something different? Antisocial.

The grin that crept onto this man's lips as he took my small hand into his, eyes twinkling with what I could have only guessed to have been intrigued, slowly shaking the clasped hands up and down. 

"Earth? It's a pleasure to meet you." It has been over four years since then. We talked for hours, only distracted when the bright light of a supermoon showed with such ferocity that you could do nothing, but note her astonishing view.

We always met, as though the mistress of fate bode it herself, on the nights of incredibly full moons whose blinding light cast many shadows which I never would have noticed had I not gone seeking for more. Each time we met though, I craved more, he was good at getting close while staying aloof. As you can imagine by now, this story has to be going somewhere, no man like that would just be sitting and waiting for a broken guy like me to come around, so that they can fix, and love me the way that I so desperately needed.

How right you are. 

It's been four years since then.

I will never forget those precious nights under that glistening moon. That wonderful man, shrouded in mystery, almost as quickly as he had waltzed into my life, did he waltz out of it. Left with nothing but a number that went straight to voicemail, an abandoned home, and these memories, I felt myself shatter for the second time in my life. Like a mirror, once repaired, that had been struck with just enough force to stress old wounds. 

The fractures of myself that I was left with four years ago has been taped up now. Puttied together with gorilla glue, I went through these last few years feeling more alone than I had before. I painted on a face, one that seemed to get the attention I thought that I deserved, and placed my stilled heart in a box, delighting myself in the pleasures of the skin. 

The simplicity of love shared between bodies was horribly attractive since my heart had nothing, but bruising from lovers past, so why not dabble in a more...satisfying and immediate sensation?

I know I am damaged. I do. However, I do not wish to change. Even if it means I will continue to break hearts, sell my body, whatever. I can burn in the pits of hell for my actions, so long as I never have to experience the pain of a one-sided affection so grand that it consumed everything within me.

Times like these, when I am lying in my dorm room, removed from my emotions, I let myself dip back into time to relive the conversations we would have. The foolhardy questions I would ask, and the deep sense of security I felt with a virtual stranger.

_"P'Perth, why do you come here?" I asked, genuinely curious. This question was the only one that nagged the corner of my mind as I rested my body comfortably against his ear to his chest as I peered up at him. I was holding my breath, waiting for what felt like eons before an unsteady answer dripped off his lips._

_"Of course, it must be because you are here, Mu." There it was, that cheap smile again, which he distracted me from a swift kiss to the lips. I was naive, but indeed no fool. Or so I thought._

_"Does this mean that you'll always be here? Even during the daylight hours when people could see us together? Where we could feel the heat of the sun kissing of skin rather than the nip of this bitter cold…" My eyes begged for a truth I wasn't sure I was looking for. He was quick to nod this time, shocking me at the moment as I cocked a brow in question. I needed to hear him say it._

_"I will always be here. No matter the seasons, the lack or abundance of eyes, wherever you are, I will follow."_

What a stupid kid. It's like one of those dumb romance novels I saw my roomie reading last year. Broken kid meets a handsome prince in the park during the middle of one of his monthly breakdowns. Said prince tells him that he will never leave, yadda yadda yadda, the prince is a fucking fake. Why do I still dwell on it? I don't. I hardly think about the lonely months I spent alone, heartbroken, and apathetic to all that came my way. The fact that my father died, intoxicated of course, on his way to see my mother on Valentine's Day, the fact that no one came to the funeral, how I had to sell my ass for years to pay off debt after debt all while attending some university my aunt forced me into. The fact that my final words to my father were those of spite.

Shit.

I close my journal. I didn't need to write anymore. This was becoming much too sad, even for me, and I fucking lived this life. If I kept on, well, that pain had manifested itself into something ugly over the years. No need to go and stir the shit pot with trigger happy writing. I pick up my phone before shuffling over to the bathroom. It was much too early for this-

_Knock, Knock._

I blink a bit, thinking that I must have heard it wrong. I wasn't expecting any new clients for at least another few months while I settled into my classes. Yet, there came another, more violent, set of knocks. Cursing lightly under my breath, I bit my tongue, shaking myself before tugging my boxers and sweats up in one swoop. I dash some soap and water on my hands, padding over to the door, alerting whoever behind it that I was going to be opening the door shortly. As I pull it open, my almond-shaped orbs widen to that of oranges, mouth hanging a bit as I took in the sight of the man in front of me. A smirk seemed to rest permanently on this particular set of lips. He was stylish, clearly showing off his name brand clothing from head to toe; from what I could see, his hat was Chanel, shirt and pants Gucci, shoes Balenciaga, crossbody bag Imani, and the simple accessories like that off of a Milan runway.

God, how he reeked of money and arrogance. 

"Ah, you must be Earth. I'm the new roomie." He said in a bass, rugged, yet silky voice that did not match his androgynous features. "Name's Kao. Are you going to let me in?" I clear my throat, moving out of the way to let him in. Damn, rookie mistake. I needed to be on my toes to make the best of a situation like this. I chew my lower lip, lost in thought for a moment, trying to recall why such an important day had gone unmarked. The fact that I had a falling out with the previous roommate and the fact that I enjoy being alone should have been an event that remained in my-- "E-a-r-t-h-." I blink, snapping back to attention as Kao crooks his nape, brow raised in question.

"Uh, yes?" I offer, unable to decipher much from the look he was giving me.

"Where do I put my stuff down?" I squinted, looking around for the stuff that he mentioned, opening my mouth before I heard the sound of squeaky wheels churning down the hall. Poking my head out, my eyes slowly roll back into their heads, refocusing on the mound of stuff that was suddenly present at the threshold of my home. I sucked in some air, as though steeling myself for the inevitable annoyance of this new roommate. I motion for him, and the bag chauffeur (or whatever the fuck), down the hall, motioning to the door on the left. 

"This will be your room. Unfortunately, I forgot to go out and get a bed…" How could I say the resident who occupied that room had taken the bed for what he claimed to be "sentimental" value? "But, fear not, we can shop for one at another time. For now, you are welcome to sleep with me." He had stopped listening, I assumed, somewhere between the room and forgot because he was busy directing his bag man to put things in the specific points in the space until he heard my comment. Lips once again pulled into a taunting smirk, a small sound like a chuckle permeated the air as I tried to recall what was so goddamn amusing. Before I got the chance to ask, he spun on his heels, pulling a sheet of paper out from what looked to be a book bag. He held it in my direction, waving it in the air a bit when I hesitated to take it, unsure of what this particular note could have scrawled within it. As though sensing my intrigue, he began to speak.

"You. You're a first-year also, right?" I nod slowly. "So then we must have classes together, no?" He grinned, eyes glinting with mischievous intent. He strode over to me, patting my shoulder before seamlessly entering my room, tossing him onto my bed. "I can't wait to get to know you better, hm? Roomie."

The intentional emphasis on the ending of the word roomie was just about enough to break the straw on this camels already frail back, but I had bigger fish to fry. A bigger purpose, if you will, so I held my tongue and peeled open the piece of paper while muttering "great" in response to the tease. To my surprise, I see my own schedule laid out. First period, math. Second period, Chemistry. Third period, Advanced Music. He had my schedule up to, regretfully, my club activity: Cooking. With everything the same, how would I ever...my eyes drifted towards the other who seemed preoccupied with their phone. I sigh deeply, the likelihood that this was a coincidence didn't sit right with me.

What the fuck had I gotten into?


	2. Remembrance

**Earth**

Did I mention that my father died on Valentine's Day? Somehow I feel like I did, but I don't ever go back to reread what is written. I'm really just needing a place for me to dump everything so that I can continue to uphold this arrogant prick facade and NOT that lonely boy who longs for the love he never got from his deceased father. The world isn't kind enough to sentimentals, like me, to continue to be one. 

My roommate of all of one day has awful sleeping habits, of course. I was ordinarily awake by seven-thirty in the morning to the sound of "History Maker," yes, the Yuri on Ice theme, but today was not an ordinary day. Today I was woken up harshly by six, six-thirty, and seven, and then again at seven-thirty by my own alarm. It was as though he didn't want to hear it. He made no effort to awaken, or to at least silence the deafening cry. I would have done it myself, but he held me close by the waist for most of the morning. By the time I fell back asleep, I had thoroughly made a mockery of myself by nuzzling in close to the broad chest, murmuring in baby babble (don't pretend you don't do this when you first wake), slowly looking up to see Kao smirking down at me. 

When I tell you I wanted nothing more than to sock him in the mouth, I mean it. He was lucky that today was one of my off days. I didn't have the energy to argue with him, nor the time. I had a routine that I had to stick to on this specific day. If I didn't follow it to the exact T...well, consider the next few hours to be a panic-induced whirlwind. I definitely do not need this dude seeing me at my weakest point. 

I look up from my journal, noting that the small space had been silent for the better half of the morning, and check my phone. 

"Shit! I'm late!" I dashed from my room, hearing the thud of the journal and soft patter of the pen as they clattered onto the ground.

Something was clearly wrong with my head, I had never missed a beat when it came to this...I shook my head, trying to clear it of any unnecessary thoughts. I could feel my hands shake as I raked them through my loose brown locks. Looking at myself in the mirror, I began to countdown from 100. The list was ways my father wronged me, ways he hurt me, ways he loved me, ways he raised me. This process served in reinforcing why I decided to begin to live my life this way. It also giving some thanks to this man. He did love me in his own way, or so the younger me claimed every year, so I tried to always list something positive that he did to me in these last 18-19 years. 

I thanked whoever was listening out there for getting Kao out of the house. The next step in my routine was speaking into existence some of the things I wish I had said to my father before he passed on. Clearing my throat, I took a step back from the mirror and pushed all the air out of my lungs before beginning my rehearsed list. 

"You weren't there when I needed you the most."

"You act like I killed mom myself."

"I raised myself while you sat in your own woe."

"I hated myself and idolized you."

The further down the list that I went, the louder I got, as though possessed by some angry apparition. I always forget just how much of an emotional toll this takes each year. You'd think it would get easier, but it never did. Some would suggest it's because of the lack of real closure. I think it may just be that there is no such thing as closure. 

This year, though, something most definitely was off. With each one of these phrases, I could feel the threat of tears, something I had long since numbed myself to. I had only made it to about three-quarters of my list of phrases before I had to sink down onto my knees, rapid shallow breaths being all that I could manage. I pinched my eyes closed, shaking my head from side to side. Perhaps it was because of how late I had started? The new environment? I grasped at my throat momentarily, trying to decide whether to push through or not. 

Hot liquid slid down my cheeks and chin, chest heaving up and down. This may have been only the second time that I cried over this man. I had vowed many years ago that there wouldn't be another time like this. 

Overwhelmed, I burst through the front doors and made my way down the short stairs in our shared dormitory. I needed to go there. I need a false sense of security, or I fear that I will not be able to continue. Living or living as I am, I didn't know which it was, but I knew that once I spiral, there is no return.

** Kao **

Sharing a bed with someone had never been something that I enjoyed. When friends came over during my youth, I always made sure they slept in the guestroom or the floor. It wasn't really any different these days...so I wonder why I was comfortable with this guy? Scranny, nothing to look at, basically no presence. I mean, it did take time for me to adjust and fall asleep, I spent some of that time looking at him. Taking notes or observing him, whatever you call it, I needed to know what kind of person I would be entangled with this year.

I had people who would chase me in some instances, male or female, it didn't matter. I think they saw me as some sort of pushover. The paler than normal skin, the thin pink lips, curly brown hair, and lanky height has been seen as a big puppy. I don't have anything against gays or anything, but I really don't need to be in any more complicated situations. Moving faculties at the beginning of the spring term was enough to make some circumstances very difficult as it is. 

Shaking my head to clear it, I took in what I could before settling into a comfortable sleep. I had never realized how comfortable it could be to have someone next to you at night. The warmth of another body radiating, small touches that can only happen by accident. One could venture to say it's romantic...I wonder if this is why I'm single? No sensitivity to these things. I continued to think, perhaps overthink, and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I never awoke on the first alarm. It was usually the second or third one, but it seemed as though I had slept until an unfamiliar tune and grunting caught my somewhat drowsy attention. An annoyed groan passed through my lips as I tried to turn over, finding myself stuck in place. I blinked myself awake, confused as to why my arm was glued in place. It took forever to focus my eyes as I glanced around the room, and almost lost it before I recalled I had moved into my new dorm the day before. Turning my chin downwards, I saw my roommate then, using my arm as a pillow.

"Ehm…" I blinked and cocked my head as I heard him mumbling in his sleep, probably a bad habit of his that he wasn't aware of and listened close. "I just want to sleep for a lil' longer Ma…" What was he? A schoolboy? My lips couldn't help but churn up into a smirk. It was something I could tease him about later on. I watched him closely, his lashes were long, I will give him that. His skin looked smooth and seemed rather soft. I leaned down, the height difference was almost laughable, his feet came to my shins, and his head to just about my shoulders. How could he be so small? The more I looked, the more he shifted in my arms-- it was as though he could feel my gaze on him. Before I could move back, his eyes fluttered open, and we were face to face with one another.

"Mornin-"

"Oi! Aren't you too close?" He said, scrambling back, only to fall flat out of bed. He continued to stammer before rushing out of the room, a resounding slam of what I could only presume was the bathroom door resonating around the small apartment. 

"Like a little mouse, so easily frightened." I murmured as I swung my legs out of bed, sitting up to stretch my torso and arms. A yawn slipped past my lips as I glanced at the time. "Shit!" It was already 7:45! I needed to be at orientation by 8:30, and it was on the other side of the campus. I rubbed my temple as I grabbed my uniform that I'd hung up the night before, before padding my way to the bathroom, rapping on the door a few times. "I need to take a shower before orientation."

"I'll be out in a minute." Came Earth's voice from the other side of the door. I clicked my tongue and tried the handle. 

"I need to go now! Come on. P'Mu! Sir Earth...please?" There was a quiet as I begged, rather sarcastically, for him to open the door. There was a soft click as the door opened, and I saw a slightly red-tinged Earth slip out.

"Just go ahead. I won't be the reason you ended up late on your first day." With that, he slipped by quickly and basically jogged back to the bedroom.

I couldn't help but snort as I slipped into the bathroom, turning the shower on hot as I stripped my sleepwear from the previous night. I step into the shower, humming to myself as I put some shampoo on my hair, scrubbing the roots with a satisfying groan. I looked around in the shower as I put some conditioner in my hair, which was to sit in my hair as I suds my body, and realized I had left my loofah in our room. I clicked my tongue, cursing lightly as I took one step out of the shower, pulling the door open I called out for Earth. 

"Earth! Can you bring me my loofah?"

"Loofah," he called back, sounding confused, "what is it?"

"Loo-fah. That thing you use in the shower. I have one in my suitcase closest to the door. Bring it here." I heard an exasperated sigh, so sad he had to help his roommate, tch. Minutes later, I hear his footsteps making their way towards the bathroom. I stuck my hand out, taking the looMu with a brisk 'thanks,' and closed the door, hopping back into the now lukewarm shower. I hummed a bit as I suds up, making sure the conditioner didn't slip into my eyes, before rinsing entirely. Turning the water off, I stepped out of the shower, drying off quickly before pulling my uniform on. I managed to moisturize my face before speeding out of the bathroom, grabbing my backpack from its place by the door. "Later!" I called, trying my best to be polite. 

"Mmm. See you." 

\--

I left at 8:10, leaving me twenty minutes to make my way to the orientation hall. I had already done these activities once, so I supposed doing it again wasn't going to be too bad. Arriving with minutes to spare, I take the seat nearest the back of the room. It was crowded. I sighed softly, I was glad that most people wanted to sit near the front, this way if I got annoyed, I could leave pretty quickly. 

Last time I participated in these activities, I told a senior that I would not be a part of their system if there was no benefit to me. I don't need friends, I can buy them if I need them, and I can buy whatever support I need for other obstacles that may come within my path. They hadn't liked my answer and forced me to run 50 laps around the track. I swear I couldn't feel my legs for days after. 

This faculty seemed to be structured somewhat differently, though. How do I say...it was rather touchy-feely. The seniors had a slideshow presentation for us to listen to, some teachers spoke and gave us their expectations, we introduced ourselves with some games, y' know, regular stuff. I was happy to get a break. The sun had set not too long ago, and the room was feeling stuffy. Some of the girls had tried to make themselves comfortable around me, casually asking for my line ID, but I had no interest. I pulled my phone from my pocket and slipped out the side door into the courtyard of the music faculty, taking a deep breath of clear air. 

Something caught my eye, a fleeting image from the corner of my eye as I brought my phone closer to my face. It looked like my roomie. I walked across the gravel, peering around the side of the building to see my roomie with a senior just a bit taller than him. His face was red. The senior was saying something in a hushed tone that Mu didn't seem to like, or so his body language said. I cocked my head to the side, debating what I may need to do in this situation, I mean -- we aren't necessarily close. I had no business having my nose in his stuff, but if I could minimize any side effects this could have on our relationship then perhaps-

"P'Title! I can't do this right now. I can't fucking breath, my heart won't stop pounding, my dad died today… no, he died years ago on this day. I need to go home. I need to go to the park. P'...please, don't start today." Earth yelled at the top of his lungs. The senior balled their fists, pushing Earth against an adjacent wall. Before my mind could catch up, my body moved. I cleared my throat loudly, hands in my pockets, as I strolled over to the two of them. Mu looked like a deer in headlights, and the senior looked like a lion about to pounce on its prey.

"Mu Mu. What are you doing out here? Come to pick me up from orientation early?" I jerked my chin subtly, motioning for him to come to my side. He blinked slowly, dazed, but still ducked up the senior's arms and hurried over to my side, burying his face into my side. His breath was ragged like he was running a marathon. What happened between the time I was at home to now. Perhaps it was related to his father? I shook my head as I snaked an arm around his waist with a clearing of my throat, I offered my free hand to the senior in an upright salute. "Hello, senior, thank you for taking care of Mu in my absence. I will take it from here." 

"And you are?" He questioned. I chewed on the question a moment, opening my mouth to respond before I heard a weak voice. 

"He's your replacement. Now please, if you understand, please go." I blinked and looked at Earth. His replacement? What was their relationship?

The senior blew hot air from his nostrils, striding close to us, he ducked down to mumble something in Earth's ear. He flinched, a hand of his outstretching to hold onto the hem of my tucked-in shirt. I blinked as I watched the senior walk away.

"Hey, Earth, what's going-"

I didn't realize he had collapsed against my side as soon as the senior had walked off. I sighed softly, what to do with this nuisance I seemed to have been stuck with. Holding him close by his waist, I draped one of his arms over my shoulders and headed towards our room. 

I suppose I will have a few questions to ask him tomorrow.


End file.
